JOKE: Things are not always what they seem

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly.  The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.  He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one.  The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes.  He discovers that it's a great job.  He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires.  He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.  Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage.  Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla. 

Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls.  The mime is terrified.  The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce.  The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.  Finally, the mime starts screaming, yelling, "Help, Help me" but the lion is quick and pounces.

The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot!  Do you want to get us both fired?"

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Jack & Jill – INDIA TV Version

Two persons hurt in climbing mishap

Here’s how the Indian TV news channel INDIA TV would report the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme. All names (except those of Jack and Jill), are fictitious.

Prashant - TV Anchor
Two persons have been injured in a freak climbing accident. Jack and his companion Jill had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water when Jack fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after. Live from the hill, our reporter, Amrita Shah, takes up the story.

Amrita Shah
Thank you Prashant. Well, as you say, two persons - Jack and Jill - had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Suddenly, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Prashant.

Prashant
Thank you Amrita. What do we know about the hill?

Amrita
Not too much. Jack was going up the hill to fetch a pail of water when he fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “Hill breaks crown of pail-boy Jack”]

Prashant
What news of Jack and Jill?

Amrita
Prashant, it seems that Jack had gone up the hill to fetch a pail of water. We know nothing about the pail, or how heavy it was but it seems that Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. I have here with me, an eyewitness to the accident, Mr Shahid Trivedi. Mr Shahid, tell us what you saw.

Shahid Trivedi
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “Boy and girl tumble down hill. Water spilled”]

Amrita
Jack and Jill. What do we know about them? Are they brother and sister? Are they married? Just what were they doing on the hill together?

Shahid Trivedi
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail a water.

Amrita
And what happened next?

Shahid Trivedi
Jack fell down and broke his crown

Amrita
Go on.

Shahid Trivedi
And Jill came tumbling after.

Amrita
Prashant, there you have it. Two people innocently going about their business to fetch a pail of water when one of them falls down, breaks his crown, and the other comes tumbling after. Back to you in the studio Prashant.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “Water errand ends in tragedy”]

Prashant
I have with me in the studio now, Professor Chandrashekar Belagare from the Indian Institute of Applied Hill Sciences. Professor: a hill; Jack; Jill; a pail of water. A tragedy waiting to happen?

Professor
Well that depends on the hill, the two persons, the object they were carrying and the conditions underfoot. Let us look at the evidence so far.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

Clearly, one would suspect that if Jack’s fall was severe enough to break his crown then the surface of the hill must have been slippery or unstable. But I think we’re overlooking something quite fundamental here. Who was carrying the pail? Jack fell down and broke his crown and – this is the key – Jill came tumbling after. If Jack and Jill had been carrying the pail together, would they not have fallen at the same time? The fact that Jill came tumbling after suggests that Jack lost his footing first and perhaps knocked Jill over as he slipped.

Prashant
Professor thank you very much. So there we have it, two persons – Jack and Jill – went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Later in the programme, Osama bin Laden captured in Afghanistan, President Bush says rent-boy menage-a-trois was "just a brief lapse of judgement", and Pakistan launches nuclear warheads against key Indian cities. But next up, join us after the break for a studio discussion about hills, boys and girls and whether water-fetching trips should be supervised. We’ll be right back...

THE TEACUP

There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful
stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. This
was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May
we see that? We've never seen one quiet so beautiful." As the lady handed
it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke, "You don't understand," it said, "I
haven't always been a teacup."

"There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and
rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Let me alone,' but
he only smiled, 'Not yet.'

"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I
was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!' I
screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'

"Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he
wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him
through the opening and I could read his lips, as he shook his head, 'Not
yet!'

"Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool.
'There that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The
fumes were horrible; I thought I would gag. 'Stop it, stop it!' I cried.
He only nodded, 'Not yet.'

"Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This
was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded, I
screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening
nodding his head saying, 'Not yet!'

"Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to
give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the
shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself.'
And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful.
I'm beautiful.'

"'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be rolled and
patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made
you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have
crumbled. I knew it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't
put you there, you would have cracked.

"'I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if
I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had
any color in your life. And if I hadn't put you back in the second oven,
you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held.

"'Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first
began you.'"

Jeremiah 18:6 "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter
does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you
in my hand, O house of Israel."

-- Author Unknown

LOGICAL QUESTION

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.     One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.     Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.     The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.     He was taken to the electrocution chamber.     There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.     The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him! .     But to everyone's amazement, he survived.     The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.     After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.     Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.     The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.     The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.     He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.     This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived.     The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.     A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.     This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus.     Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.     The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.     Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.     The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.     He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.     This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!     The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??     Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical.     If necessary read the puzzle once again.           Still you couldn't, Then see below...           Think hard           Tired????           wanna know the answer????     Answer :     During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him.     But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !     Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity? ?